Stacey's Journal
A special Thanks to
 Texas Coalition For Adoption
Resources & Education
Nancy Schaefers and Terry Parish
 

Texas Coalition for Adoption Resources & Education











It's A Boy ! Scott Eugene Deluke and Stacey Carole Earle- Stuart "Me Mom2"
 

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Scott and his Mom and Dad Phyllis and Gene  and My Mom
And My Mom and Dad Scott's
(Papa and Mawmaw)



Scott and His Mother Phyllis Deluke and his birth mother Stacey Earle-Stuart A Very Happy Mother's Day


Our One Big Happy Family

My first Eye on Scott in 2 min. and 27 years

27 years gone with a blink of an eye, and, when I opened them he was standing right in front of me in the Phoenix AZ. International Airport. Far from home, standing on mutual ground, we meet again.

He knows who I am right away. Iím the one standing at the foot of the escalator holding the sign with the words "Itís me!" I know him-he is coming off the escalator and his eyes are looking around, then, right at me. Iím thinking, "Oh, God! Is he looking at me?"
 
What seemed forever was only a few seconds. And Iím feeling afraid.

Afraid that he would look away, as a stranger would, if, caught looking, eye to eye with one they never knew.
But as he walks nearer, he is still looking right at me. And he is smiling! With in 15 feet I knew, for sure, it was him.

My heart swelled up with joy! My eyes swelled up with tears.

I felt then, Iíd been holding my breath for the last 2 minutes, and, did not even realize it.

With a sigh of relief, falling into a warm embrace of love and forgiveness I took my first breath in at least 2 min and 27 years.

All grown up from the baby boy that I held for 15 min. in the nursery of Methodist Hospital/Methodist Mission Home in San Antonio Tex. Nov 19, 1976 one week before Thanksgiving. And Thanksgiving it was for the Deluke family. Wonderful folkís waiting and hoping to hold a baby boy in their arms, a true gift of love.

Thank you Phyllis and Gene for loving him so so much. you and your family area a true gift of love for ours.
Love, Luv Always

Stacey Carole Earle-Mims-Stuart

 

 

Note: As they days go by I want to share with all, the cool! Wonderful events that took place from  our reunion. But it will take some time. So much happened and so fast. and the way Scott put it, "There are no words to describe the Joy" but we will work on it. Together.
we hope this will bring hope and strength to those who play Hide and Seek.

 

 

This is my first letter to Scott.
It was sent by email after attempts to send certified hand written letter.



>From: "Gearle Records/Buoy Publishing (Stacey Earle and Mark Stuart)"
><gearlerecords@
>To: <scottdeluke@
>Subject: From:Stacey Earle (Adoption) Baby Boy Born November 19th 1976
>/ San Antonio Tex./ Methodist Mission Home
>Date: Thu, 15 Apr 2004 03:10:15 -0500
>
>Dear Scott,

>I know you were not expecting this. I tried very hard to send a letter
>but you have moved a few times. I wanted this to be more personal then
>an email.
>But I have been waiting so long and I can only hope this will reach you .
>And, I can only hope with all my heart that just maybe you might have
>wondered about me at some point in your lifetime.
>
>How do I begin? I guess with my name, I am Stacey Carole Earle-Stuart.
>Stacey Carole Earle is my maiden name. I am your birthmother.
>
>I have never had a day that I did not wonder about you. I have always
>thought about you and the big "what if ".
>
>Time has gone by so fast. I have waited for this day to give you a
>chance to grow. I never wanted to disrupt your or your family's life,
>especially, while you were growing up and getting your education.
>
>And, I knew this might have been hard on you and your family if I had
>searched any sooner.
>
>I have a very loving family. My Dad, Jack Earle, Mom, Barbara Earle, 3
>brothers, and a sister (Steve, Mark, Kelly and Pat). Along with Aunts
>and Uncles and grandmother, the family made the decision for me. They
>meant no harm. They only truly figured for a 15 year old it was the
>thing to do. I fought it with all my heart. But, I loved them too much
>to do something dumber like runaway from home. My family sent me to
>the Methodist Mission Home in San Antonio, Texas. And, that is where you were born.
>
>I was given only 20 minutes to hold you and I held on tight. I looked
>at every finger and toe. I rocked, I cried. Then they came and took you away.
>They gave me one phone call to my parents. I asked please let me keep him.
>And they told me truly what was happening was for the best for you and
>your life and that I had nothing to offer for your care.
>
>It was a long ride home.
>
>Years have gone, but not forgotten.
>
>When I came home from the hospital after you were born, my Mom helped
>me list you in her family Bible. This is a very old Bible that has been
>passed down. I asked her if we could list you in there. And, she said
>yes and helped me. At that time I gave you a name.
>
>You are listed as Thomas Dublin Earle. Thomas is my mom's maiden name;
>Dublin is my Dad's middle name. I will change it now that I know your
>true name.
>
>We lived in Houston at the time. But before that we lived in San Antonio.
>My
>dad is a retired Air Traffic Controller. We were transferred to Houston
>when I was in the 7th grade and that's when I started getting into a
>bit of trouble. That's why I know there is a very important time when
>one is growing up that their life should not endure too much change.
>Stability is a major key.
>
>I always thought though," Gosh, if someone would just tell me who he is
>and where he is until he grew up. I would just give anything to just
>sit on the curb outside his home and just watch him come and go and see
>that he was OK, then walk away till he could truly understand."
>
>I have lit a candle for you on every birthday. I would get a cupcake,
>put a candle in it, and make a wish that we would meet someday, and blow it out.
>
>I want you to know some things about me; I know this is so overwhelming.
>And, you have some thinking to do.
>
>I live in Ashland City, TN. This is 20 miles from Nashville, TN.
>
>I moved there from San Antonio in 1990.
>
>I am a singer/ songwriter.
>
>And, with song writing this is next to the hardest thing I have ever
>written since the song I wrote about you. This song is called Losers
>Weep. I have sent you the CD with the song on it.
>
>I am now married to Mark Stuart, also a singer/ songwriter. I have two
>sons, Christopher Michael Mims (25 yrs old) and Kyle Richard Mims (22
>yrs old). They are wonderful young men and have known about you for a
>while. I told each of them on their 16th birthday about you. They have
>always encouraged me to seek you out and I have tried to for several years.
>
>I want so much just for the chance to let you know you have always
>truly been loved and missed and, that I can be a good friend. I was
>still so young when I had Chris and Kyle. I always say we grew up together.
>Therefore, we are wonderful friends as well. And, I know you would
>truly enjoy meeting them.
>
>If you want to take a peak at my life and what I do, go to
>www.staceyearle.com <http://www.staceyearle.com
>
>This might be a good place to start. If you are feeling brave, call me
>at
>(615) ---------. This is my cell phone. I travel a bunch. And, you will
>see on the website where I am most of the time. My email:
>staceyearle@earthlink.net
>
>I want to give you some time to absorb all this. And, then from there,
>if it is in your heart we can go at your pace. I have so much more to
>tell you.
>And, I want most of all, the opportunity for you to tell me about you
>and the life you have lived.
>
>I promise you will only find a true loving family within me and all my
>family.
>
>Love,
>
>Stacey
 

My First contact with Scott

My first contact with Scott was by phone. He had sent me this email below but had not received it yet because we were traveling to Los Angeles for a show at McCabe's that night. but before we were on our way to Wendy Waldmans House to do radio Show with Howard and Roz. We stopped at the Inn and Out burger a few blocks from Wendy's house to grab a burger to go. While standing in line the phone rang.
The voice said "you might want to sit down. I am Scott"
I was speechless all I could say was Oh shit! then I realized wrong first impression.

But it knocked the wind out of me.
My head was spinning and I was expected to cram down a hamburger and be on the Radio Live in LA in 45 Min. But my world had stopped for me all for me for one single moment. then it started spinning again and I could not stop it. This was the wrong time to have to say I will call you back. This is not fare I'm thinking.

I kept running in one place saying Oh Wow, Oh Wow.
I finally had to say it as Mark looked at me and I know he hated saying. Stacey we have to get to the Radio Show. I told Scott look I do this thing for living. I have no control over it. This thing is my Boss. Its called Art and Self discipline. A crazy combination but it was calling and that I would have to call him back in one hour.

He seemed to be as excited as I was. He said no Problem call me back.

We arrived Wendy's House and Howard and Roz are all ready to go.
They are such cool folks we love them dearly. I'm thinking My god how am I'm going to do this with out bursting. In my heart I wanted to Blurb it all over the Radio Air. Let the world know. ITS A BOY!
But I knew it wasn't the time. One this show is taped. wont go out for a while.
But most of all, What if, what if the reunion does not go well. what if he wants little to do with me. what if he would feel assaulted if I blurbed it to the world.

Contain yourself Stacey and don't say anything yet. And Prey Howard and Roz do not ask for Losers Weep. knowing I would never get through it.

My heart thumped hard all thru the radio show. Mark did most of the talking my heading was spinning to fast. I couldn't think.

Finishing the Radio show Mark hangs for a while and talks with Howard and Roz. I head for the car to check my phone message to hear the voice mail he left before.

I played it over and over about 3 times. his voice, I was trying to picture him in my mind. Finally I got the nerve to call him back. we stared talking. it was at this point I saw Wendy Walden walk out front. I'm thinking she was wanting to say hi. I had planned on going back in after finishing the call. she saw I was on the phone so she walked back in the house. I kept on talking to Scott.

In the conversation you could tell we both were grinning from ear to ear.
We were both so nervous. I think we kept the conversation simple on the first call because we were both almost speechless.

By then Mark had walked out to the car and got in and sat and listened to us talk. I told Scott we had to get to our show at McCabe's in Santa Monica, the LA traffic would kill us if we did not get a move on. Mark never said a word about being late or even showed it on his face. He was truly happy for us. but I knew we had to go.
I said good by to Scott and as he said goodbye. we agreed to talk again after the show.
As we pulled away from Wendy's house with out saying goodbye. The Tears bursted. All 27 years of Tears all at once. This was the hardest cry of my life so far.
Later I get to the hotel and found the email he had sent.

His Email to me
After sending to certified letters that never made it, I got Scott's email address.
I sent him an email hoping he would open it.

And he did!
 

> [Original Message]
> From: Scott Deluke
> To: <Stacey Earle

> Date: 4/16/2004 1:41:59 PM

> Subject: I guess I should say.....hi MOM!!!

> You have to forgive me if I used some humor in the subject but that's just

> the type of guy I am. Wow. I really don't know how to react...but by

the

> time you read this email I will have already of called you. I just read

> your email a few minutes ago and damn. What a surprise. Funny thing was,

my

> ex-girlfriend called me about 30 minutes before and told me about it.

Had

> she not I would have probably just deleted it for junkmail. I have a lot

> more to say but the shock is cramping the ol' digits.

> Well, here goes nothing....or something.

Note: Scott then called and now I'm trying to figure out how to save the first phone call on my cell phone.  Anybody know?

Four Days Later

Scott flu out and stayed on the road with Mark and I for 5 shows.
 I looked out in the audience and I could see he was working on something on his lap top.
It was this Poem for me.
Woops! looks like we got an Earle!

    My Lucky Day  
   by: Scott Deluke

Sometimes Iíd lie awake at night,
Wishing on that star so bright,
That somewhere out there you would be,
Seeing the same star I did see.

Hearing the thoughts that come to my mind,
Looking for something I may never find,
Just a small glimp's would settle my soul,
Fearing the things I may never know.

Thanking you endlessly for all I am,
Knowing that I am your sacrificial lamb,
Giving me life that I can never repay,
Then giving me up so that we can play.

Wondering just what had you thought of me,
To what extent and to what degree,
Thinking of what was on your mind,
How hard it was to leave me behind.

Many years passed but the feelings remained,
Though life went on without a complaint,
Some things seemed final without any ends,
The day I had hoped for became just pretend.

Suddenly my world was changed in a click,
Was this just a joke or a mean trick?,
Choked up inside with nothing to say,
It was finally hereÖmy lucky day.

Twenty seven years is all that it took,
The missing page was written in my book,
And with it new chapters that have not yet come,
Looking forward to my new home.

Not feeling I missed but yet I have gained,
And know that I will never be the same,
Finally together after all of these years,
Finally whole with no empty tears.

5/5/04
A wonderful email from Scott's mother Phyllis
I received this email after I arrived home from our Reunion in Oklahoma City.

I loved you and Mark and your parents. I have no qualms about Scott's
becoming a part of your family. I didn't want to let you go. I have always
thought of you as that little girl. You as a grown woman took a little
adjustment. Thank you for being so gracious to my family. We all had a great
time. Now I am playing and singing your songs as I drive around. I played
the video of you singing Loser's Weep at school. When the close up of your
face came, several of the teachers gasped and said that they saw such a
strong resemblance to Scott. Some of them were teary-eyed when the song was
over. It is a powerful song. Love, Phyllis

 

 

This Is Hope

A wonderful collection of birth family stories stories, poems & letters

It was gift to Scott and me from Nancy and Terry
 of the
Texas Adoption Coalition
 

I have read this book and for me, I felt for the very first time that I was not alone.
Truly warmed my heart!
Stacey Earle