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This is
my first letter to Scott.
It was sent by email after attempts to send certified hand
written letter.
>From: "Gearle Records/Buoy Publishing (Stacey Earle and Mark
Stuart)"
><gearlerecords@
>To: <scottdeluke@
>Subject: From:Stacey Earle (Adoption) Baby Boy Born November
19th 1976
>/ San Antonio Tex./ Methodist Mission Home
>Date: Thu, 15 Apr 2004 03:10:15 -0500
>
>Dear Scott,
>I know you were not expecting this. I tried very hard to send a
letter
>but you have moved a few times. I wanted this to be more
personal then
>an email.
>But I have been waiting so long and I can only hope this will
reach you .
>And, I can only hope with all my heart that just maybe you
might have
>wondered about me at some point in your lifetime.
>
>How do I begin? I guess with my name, I am Stacey Carole
Earle-Stuart.
>Stacey Carole Earle is my maiden name. I am your birthmother.
>
>I have never had a day that I did not wonder about you. I have
always
>thought about you and the big "what if ".
>
>Time has gone by so fast. I have waited for this day to give
you a
>chance to grow. I never wanted to disrupt your or your family's
life,
>especially, while you were growing up and getting your
education.
>
>And, I knew this might have been hard on you and your family if
I had
>searched any sooner.
>
>I have a very loving family. My Dad, Jack Earle, Mom, Barbara
Earle, 3
>brothers, and a sister (Steve, Mark, Kelly and Pat). Along with
Aunts
>and Uncles and grandmother, the family made the decision for
me. They
>meant no harm. They only truly figured for a 15 year old it was
the
>thing to do. I fought it with all my heart. But, I loved them
too much
>to do something dumber like runaway from home. My family sent
me to
>the Methodist Mission Home in San Antonio, Texas. And, that is
where you were born.
>
>I was given only 20 minutes to hold you and I held on tight. I
looked
>at every finger and toe. I rocked, I cried. Then they came and
took you away.
>They gave me one phone call to my parents. I asked please let
me keep him.
>And they told me truly what was happening was for the best for
you and
>your life and that I had nothing to offer for your care.
>
>It was a long ride home.
>
>Years have gone, but not forgotten.
>
>When I came home from the hospital after you were born, my Mom
helped
>me list you in her family Bible. This is a very old Bible that
has been
>passed down. I asked her if we could list you in there. And,
she said
>yes and helped me. At that time I gave you a name.
>
>You are listed as Thomas Dublin Earle. Thomas is my mom's
maiden name;
>Dublin is my Dad's middle name. I will change it now that I
know your
>true name.
>
>We lived in Houston at the time. But before that we lived in
San Antonio.
>My
>dad is a retired Air Traffic Controller. We were transferred to
Houston
>when I was in the 7th grade and that's when I started getting
into a
>bit of trouble. That's why I know there is a very important
time when
>one is growing up that their life should not endure too much
change.
>Stability is a major key.
>
>I always thought though," Gosh, if someone would just tell me
who he is
>and where he is until he grew up. I would just give anything to
just
>sit on the curb outside his home and just watch him come and go
and see
>that he was OK, then walk away till he could truly understand."
>
>I have lit a candle for you on every birthday. I would get a
cupcake,
>put a candle in it, and make a wish that we would meet someday,
and blow it out.
>
>I want you to know some things about me; I know this is so
overwhelming.
>And, you have some thinking to do.
>
>I live in Ashland City, TN. This is 20 miles from Nashville,
TN.
>
>I moved there from San Antonio in 1990.
>
>I am a singer/ songwriter.
>
>And, with song writing this is next to the hardest thing I have
ever
>written since the song I wrote about you. This song is called
Losers
>Weep. I have sent you the CD with the song on it.
>
>I am now married to Mark Stuart, also a singer/ songwriter. I
have two
>sons, Christopher Michael Mims (25 yrs old) and Kyle Richard
Mims (22
>yrs old). They are wonderful young men and have known about you
for a
>while. I told each of them on their 16th birthday about you.
They have
>always encouraged me to seek you out and I have tried to for
several years.
>
>I want so much just for the chance to let you know you have
always
>truly been loved and missed and, that I can be a good friend. I
was
>still so young when I had Chris and Kyle. I always say we grew
up together.
>Therefore, we are wonderful friends as well. And, I know you
would
>truly enjoy meeting them.
>
>If you want to take a peak at my life and what I do, go to
>www.staceyearle.com <http://www.staceyearle.com
>
>This might be a good place to start. If you are feeling brave,
call me
>at
>(615) ---------. This is my cell phone. I travel a bunch. And,
you will
>see on the website where I am most of the time. My email:
>staceyearle@earthlink.net
>
>I want to give you some time to absorb all this. And, then from
there,
>if it is in your heart we can go at your pace. I have so much
more to
>tell you.
>And, I want most of all, the opportunity for you to tell me
about you
>and the life you have lived.
>
>I promise you will only find a true loving family within me and
all my
>family.
>
>Love,
>
>Stacey
My First contact
with Scott
My first contact
with Scott was by phone. He had sent me this email below but had
not received it yet because we were traveling to Los Angeles for
a show at McCabe's that night. but before we were on our way to
Wendy Waldmans House to do radio Show with Howard and Roz. We
stopped at the Inn and Out burger a few blocks from Wendy's
house to grab a burger to go. While standing in line the phone
rang.
The voice said "you might want to sit down. I am Scott"
I was speechless all I could say was Oh shit! then I realized
wrong first impression.
But it knocked the
wind out of me.
My head was spinning and I was expected to cram down a hamburger
and be on the Radio Live in LA in 45 Min. But my world had
stopped for me all for me for one single moment. then it started
spinning again and I could not stop it. This was the wrong time
to have to say I will call you back. This is not fare I'm
thinking.
I kept running in
one place saying Oh Wow, Oh Wow.
I finally had to say it as Mark looked at me and I know he hated
saying. Stacey we have to get to the Radio Show. I told Scott
look I do this thing for living. I have no control over it. This
thing is my Boss. Its called Art and Self discipline. A crazy
combination but it was calling and that I would have to call him
back in one hour.
He seemed to be as
excited as I was. He said no Problem call me back.
We arrived Wendy's
House and Howard and Roz are all ready to go.
They are such cool folks we love them dearly. I'm thinking My
god how am I'm going to do this with out bursting. In my heart I
wanted to Blurb it all over the Radio Air. Let the world know.
ITS A BOY!
But I knew it wasn't the time. One this show is taped. wont go
out for a while.
But most of all, What if, what if the reunion does not go well.
what if he wants little to do with me. what if he would feel
assaulted if I blurbed it to the world.
Contain yourself
Stacey and don't say anything yet. And Prey Howard and Roz do
not ask for Losers Weep. knowing I would never get through it.
My heart thumped
hard all thru the radio show. Mark did most of the talking my
heading was spinning to fast. I couldn't think.
Finishing the Radio
show Mark hangs for a while and talks with Howard and Roz. I
head for the car to check my phone message to hear the voice
mail he left before.
I played it over and
over about 3 times. his voice, I was trying to picture him in my
mind. Finally I got the nerve to call him back. we stared
talking. it was at this point I saw Wendy Walden walk out front.
I'm thinking she was wanting to say hi. I had planned on going
back in after finishing the call. she saw I was on the phone so
she walked back in the house. I kept on talking to Scott.
In the conversation
you could tell we both were grinning from ear to ear.
We were both so nervous. I think we kept the conversation simple
on the first call because we were both almost speechless.
By then Mark had
walked out to the car and got in and sat and listened to us
talk. I told Scott we had to get to our show at McCabe's in
Santa Monica, the LA traffic would kill us if we did not get a
move on. Mark never said a word about being late or even showed
it on his face. He was truly happy for us. but I knew we had to
go.
I said good by to Scott and as he said goodbye. we agreed to
talk again after the show.
As we pulled away from Wendy's house with out saying goodbye.
The Tears bursted. All 27 years of Tears all at once. This was
the hardest cry of my life so far.
Later I get to the hotel and found the email he had sent.
His Email to me
After sending to certified letters that never made it, I got
Scott's email address.
I sent him an email hoping he would open it.
And he did!
>
[Original Message]
> From: Scott Deluke
> To: <Stacey Earle
> Date:
4/16/2004 1:41:59 PM
> Subject:
I guess I should say.....hi MOM!!!
> You have
to forgive me if I used some humor in the subject but that's
just
> the type
of guy I am. Wow. I really don't know how to react...but by
the
> time you
read this email I will have already of called you. I just read
> your
email a few minutes ago and damn. What a surprise. Funny thing
was,
my
>
ex-girlfriend called me about 30 minutes before and told me
about it.
Had
> she not
I would have probably just deleted it for junkmail. I have a lot
> more to
say but the shock is cramping the ol' digits.
> Well,
here goes nothing....or something.
Note:
Scott then called and now I'm trying to figure out how to save
the first phone call on my cell phone. Anybody know?
Four
Days Later
Scott
flu out and stayed on the road with Mark and I for 5 shows.
I looked out in the audience and I could see he was working on
something on his lap top.
It was this Poem for me.
Woops! looks like we got an Earle!
My Lucky Day
by: Scott Deluke
Sometimes I’d lie awake at night,
Wishing on that star so bright,
That somewhere out there you would be,
Seeing the same star I did see.
Hearing
the thoughts that come to my mind,
Looking for something I may never find,
Just a small glimp's would settle my soul,
Fearing the things I may never know.
Thanking
you endlessly for all I am,
Knowing that I am your sacrificial lamb,
Giving me life that I can never repay,
Then giving me up so that we can play.
Wondering just what had you thought of me,
To what extent and to what degree,
Thinking of what was on your mind,
How hard it was to leave me behind.
Many
years passed but the feelings remained,
Though life went on without a complaint,
Some things seemed final without any ends,
The day I had hoped for became just pretend.
Suddenly
my world was changed in a click,
Was this just a joke or a mean trick?,
Choked up inside with nothing to say,
It was finally here…my lucky day.
Twenty seven years is all that it took,
The missing page was written in my book,
And with it new chapters that have not yet come,
Looking forward to my new home.
Not
feeling I missed but yet I have gained,
And know that I will never be the same,
Finally together after all of these years,
Finally whole with no empty tears.
5/5/04
A wonderful email from Scott's mother Phyllis
I received this email after I arrived home from our Reunion in
Oklahoma City.
I loved you and Mark and your parents. I have no qualms about
Scott's
becoming a part of your family. I didn't want to let you go. I
have always
thought of you as that little girl. You as a grown woman took a
little
adjustment. Thank you for being so gracious to my family. We all
had a great
time. Now I am playing and singing your songs as I drive around.
I played
the video of you singing Loser's Weep at school. When the close
up of your
face came, several of the teachers gasped and said that they saw
such a
strong resemblance to Scott. Some of them were teary-eyed when
the song was
over. It is a powerful song. Love, Phyllis
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